I zipped up my suitcase and lugged the 54 lbs sucker (full of text books) downstairs and looked at it with some dismay. I had mixed feelings about heading back to Victoria for my second residency. My seven year old daughter was waiting at the bottom of the stairs with a frown on her face, "Mommy, I am going to need a picture of you cause you are gone so much now and I might forget you!" Indeed, the mommy guilt set in and I felt torn for being a 'busy working mommy'. I started a new job 4 months ago, which has required some travel, I am in my second year of a Master's program (this is what takes me away for 2 weeks), I am trying my best to be a good Mom to 4 small humans and well all of the other wonderful things that I get to be a part of.
So, back to the Mommy guilt; it went away when I reminded my lovely little lady why I am doing all of these things. I thought back to what a mentor said to me years ago...it went something like this; "parents have it wrong, we all hope that our children will be happy, no matter what but really, if we are to solve the challenging problems of our time then what we must nurture in our children is the ability to think critically, feel deeply and act wisely. Tough decision will not always make us happy although they may be what is necessary".
This made a lot more sense to me then... I just want my kids to be happy... My best leanings continue to come out of situations that often did not make me happy at the time but I was where I was meant to be at that time.
This made a lot more sense to me then... I just want my kids to be happy... My best leanings continue to come out of situations that often did not make me happy at the time but I was where I was meant to be at that time.
In seven year old language I told her; "I love you kids so much and I am so lucky to be your Mom. I also love working with other people who may need my help and who teach Mommy new things everyday. When we learn and share with others we get better at making our world a kinder safer place. Mommy goes away sometimes so that I can come back having learned and experienced new things so that I can then share with you kids and with others. The world is about so much more than what goes on in this house kiddo. Be happy for Mom and know that I will miss you too!".
She looked up and said, "hmmm, ok then". I don't know how much of what I said sunk in but it certainly reminded me that,
“You are here for a purpose. There is no duplicate of you in the whole wide world. There never has been, there never will be. You were brought here now to fill a certain need. Take time to think that over.” Lou Austin
