It's my opinion and I am entitled to it…or am I?

I sent this article to a friend of mine today after a long and fabulous discussion about our society and this need to steer clear of  'controversial topics'. My friend, to be fair to her I will call her Sue, was recently with a group of colleagues after work having drinks when the discussion turned to the leadership race within with the Alberta PC party. One of her colleagues said, yeah I am staying out of this one, you know how Joe gets when we disagree with his political point of view.  Sue was disappointed that a group of professional adults would not have a discussion about politics. Sue and I talk politics all the time, we talk about pretty much anything and often disagree but we always enjoy our conversations and sometimes we even learn a thing or two from each other (mostly me learning from her!). She asked me why I thought people behaved like this, Sue asked me if this was a Canadian thing, Sue is from the States.

Maybe it is a Canadian thing but really I think it is a human nature thing or rather deficit. We like to be right and somewhere along the line (school and parents drop the ball here?)we are taught that we are all entitled to our opinions. We are often not taught or we don't learn that our opinions should be informed and based on thought, facts and maybe, even some controversial discussions. This led Sue and I to a conversation about emotional maturity and how this interacts with how people respond to political/controversial/sensitive topics and how we in turn react to people when they become heated/defensive around the 'fierce conversation' at hand. Sue said to me, "some people are just unkind and self absorbed". Yes, indeed some people are just unkind and sadly too many are self absorbed but more likely I think they are probably dealing with their own stuff and just trying to make it through the best they know how and I think most people are truly scared of having their opinions challenged. Far too many people just do not seem to have the tools or skills to really think about their own thinking and to think about why they say what they say, what they believe and the things they do or don't do. For our democracy to function as a democracy isn't it essential that we share our informed thinking and that we seek to understand where others are coming from?

I think the greatest gift we can give our children is to teach them to engage in thoughtful, compassionate and wise conversations. Challenge them when they say, "but I feel this way because, or I think this because" or the favourite one, "I can think what I want". Our kids don't get enough practice engaging in thoughtful and informed discussion; discussion that even if it gets heated will remain respectful and will end with people being heard particularly when there is not agreement. I love this quote by Harlan Ellison, “You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.”