It is with pleasure that I introduce my guest blogger and my dear Mom, Leslie Dewald. She has agreed to share what I believe to be a very important journey. Please, take some time to visit, The Kidney Foundation of Canada. I have witnessed and been a part of the journey and have seen first hand how our families lives can change because of a living donor, my Mom.
I can often be critical of our medical system but I am the first to say that in this situation the care was above and beyond what I could have imagined. I am grateful to the team of medical professionals for the care that they gave to my Mom, to Dale and to our families. I learned so much from the medical team and was never left unsure of my Mom's care or medical situation. I hope that this blog will help us continue what is a very important conversation around living donors in Canada. Imagine a world where we donate our beautiful organs to one another as though we would to our closest family. After all, are we not all family when we get right down to it?
My Kidney Journey
My journey began in November 2013 during a pleasant conversation with Lesley Parker. The Parker’s, Lesley and Tom are a wonderful couple that I got to know through my mother. They lived in the same condominium complex as mom and would drive her to church. Mom’s health was deteriorating quickly and Lesley was my eyes and ears when I could not be there. She would often take dinner down to mom and was always so kind and compassionate. As time went on she became my sounding board and my shoulder to cry on as my mom’s time on earth was slipping away. I felt as though I had known the Parker’s for years.
We decided to move mom into a seniors home as she was no longer able to care for herself. This was a stressful time but as I think back on it I am reminded of a funny story. Mom had lost her licence and we had taken her keys away. She was a clever and resourceful old gal and she found a spare set of keys and continued to drive unbeknownst to us. It was Lesley who caught her one day coming back from Safeway and made the call to me that, “Mary was still driving”. Needless to say the next move was to get the car sold, much to my mother’s chagrin. Lesley always had my Mom's best interests at heart. She watched over her when I could not be there. Her little driving escapade confirmed that we needed to move her. We decided that it was time to sell her condo. As though it were fate the Parker’s shared that they loved her place and Lesley and I agreed on a deal over the phone so that they could buy it…we referred to it as a “gentlewoman’s agreement”.
As Mom's heath deteriorated, The Parker’s grew in my heart and soul, the more I got to know them the more I loved them. Mom passed away on August 19, 2013. Following her passing Lesley and I kept in touch with phone calls. As we chatted about family and life last November she mentioned that her son Dale was now back on the transplant list as another potential donor had been disqualified. Dale has had kidney disease for almost fifteen years and been on dialysis for two years. Dale is a single father raising two children, working full time and going to dialysis three times a week for five hours each visit. I asked Lesley what his blood type was and she replied it was O; same as mine. It was if a locked door just blew open in my face. I almost said, “I have a kidney for him” thank goodness common sense prevailed. The thought would not leave my mind, it was persistent…but now what? I spoke to both Laurie and Eryn about how I felt. They advised that this was a huge decision and to give it very careful thought.
My reasons were many; I’m doing this for a family that matters to me; I’m doing this because as a mother I can only imagine the pain to watch your child suffer like this; I’m doing this because my mother died of kidney failure and I’m doing this because it was truly meant to be. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was the person to give Dale Parker a kidney. I firmly believe that Dale and I knew each other and made this arrangement a long time ago…in another existence. The next step was to approach the Parker’s with my intentions. I called Lesley and told her what I wanted to do and why. To say she was shocked would be an understatement but she would make the initial call to The Living Donor Program to find out what needed to happen next.
Thus began my journey starting with pages and pages of questions. I kept track of all of my questions and had a chance to ask them when I met with the Living Donor team. I met the surgeon, the social worker and Teresa, coordinator of the team. The testing was time consuming and very extensive and at times somewhat painful. My goodness they knew me inside out and upside down. It is for sure the best medical I have had and will ever have. Bottom line is I’m one healthy old gal. It was about half way through the testing that Dale and I first spoke. I imagine he was somewhat sceptical, he didn't know me and had been disappointed many times before. We met for lunch and I immediately felt comfortable with him. Dale calls it like it is, he can be blunt and doesn't candy coat anything. He’s tough but I think that is how he has survived what life has thrown his way.
Finally, after months and months of testing it was approved, we were a match! Surgery was booked for December 18, 2014.
I had the final donor match and blood tests done about a week before just to confirm all was as it should be. Teresa asked me how I was feeling and I had to admit that there was some sadness. I felt that I was saying goodbye to a good friend…my left kidney. It had treated me well for 61 years and now it was going to a “new home". I was not concerned for myself, my biggest concern was for Dale and what if the kidney didn't work? My kidney affectionately became known as “Carl", a name I had given a sock monkey that the girls gave me for good luck.
It is hard to explain the anticipation that overcomes the body and mind as you wait for a surgery like this. It is quite surreal. Eryn drove me to the hospital on the 17th but first we stopped at the Parker’s for an LDS Priesthood blessing. I believe all prayer is good and I’ll take all I can get. I had much support from family and friends and I never second guessed my decision.
When I met Dale at the hospital he handed me a gift, it was a lovely energy light and crystal snowflake. The light continues to burn 24hrs a day in my window to remind me of my journey. The crystal snowflake hangs in my kitchen, it will forever be with me.
The morning of the 18th the girls arrived at 6:55am to ride with me to the surgical waiting area. We met the surgeons and the nurses, I was asked several times if this was what I wanted to do. Dale was brought in and his bed placed beside mine. We were both calm as we knew from here on in we were in the hands of this amazing medical team and whatever higher power we each believed in. We got an excellent picture of us both just minutes before I was rolled away. I remember grabbing Dale’s foot as I went by, it was a good luck squeeze.
Laurie and Eryn said they both started to cry as they left the room. They said it was a helpless feeling waiting for someone you love in surgery. The only thing they could do was wait. At 11:45 the surgeon called Eryn to say “she is out of surgery and everything went well”. Eryn asked about Dale and the surgeon said he was still in surgery but he thought it was going well. The surgeon said the next 24 hours are critical but he assured Eryn that in all the surgeries he’d done there had never been a serious issue post op for the donor.
Laurie and Eryn arrived at the hospital to find Lesley and Tina, Dale’s friend waiting in the hall. They wanted to know how I was doing and the best news was the kidney was working for Dale! The girls saw me on a stretcher in the hallway and the girls leaned over my bed and said, “Mom, it’s working…his new kidney is working”. I was heavily sedated but I’ll never forget those words, all I could do was cry. This is what it was all about and it was music to my ears. I took a deep breath and said, “that’s all I’ve been thinking about”. Later Dale told me that the surgeons said the kidney was trying to work before they had it completely hooked up…now that’s one dedicated little kidney!
I remember my shoulder hurting so much after the surgery, it felt like hot daggers. Apparently that is the side effect of the carbon dioxide that they use to fill the abdominal cavity during surgery. Some ice packs and good drugs took care of that little issue.
Lesley and Tom came into the room to say Dale was out of recovery and doing well. Eryn said the expression on their faces was unlike anything she had seen before. There was relief, joy and just pure love. As Eryn was heading out of the unit that evening she bumped into Dale’s brother, Adam in the elevator. Adam had tears in his eyes and said to her, “I do not have the words to thank your Mom and your family for what she has done for our family. We will forever be connected to your family”.
Later that evening Lesley came in to visit me and said, “I gave him his first chance at life and you gave him his second”. From one mother to another mother, I so understand. I felt my mother’s support and love throughout this entire process. It was she who was encouraging and pushing me forward to complete this journey. Without her this never would have been part of my history.
My grand kids had all done wonderful art pieces that I had hanging on my wall in the hospital. I would look at them constantly and I felt so much love and support from those little kids.
I received beautiful flowers from the Parkers and lovely cards from my friends, it all mattered. My little granddaughter Lara asked her Mom “how do they clean the kidney?”. Kids are amazing for their honesty and untainted view of the world. A couple of days later I had the privilege of meeting Taylor, Dale’s daughter. She popped her little head around the corner of my hospital room. She had a darling Christmas sweater on and a ribbon in her hair, she stood quietly in the doorway just looking at us. She slowly made her way into the room and then said, “I’m Dale’s daughter and I wanted to tell you how grateful I am. This will change our lives forever”. Moments later Lesley and Michael, Dale’s son came in. Michael looked at me and said, “thank you for what you have done”. Eryn said she cannot imagine what those kids have been though. She said it was hard to watch me in the hospital but this was only a few days and I would get better. Those kids have watched their dad’s health deteriorate and have seen him go to dialysis three times a week for hours each time; then come home completely exhausted with no end in sight, and continue to work full time and parent full time. The next day Taylor brought me a beautiful scarf that she had knit for me and a wonderful letter. She expressed her appreciation and her relief now that her dad has a new lease on life. I will forever cherish the scarf and the letter from that dear little girl.
I was released from the hospital on the Monday three days before Christmas. I left there and came home with Claire and Lindsey to care for me for a couple of days. They were a great help making me little plates of food and tea. I’m one lucky Nan to have grandkids like that. Well, this is my story, from the beginning that November day in 2013 to the final gifting of my kidney in December 2014 to this man and his very special family.
-Leslie
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